Wisdom

For days when you need a pick-me-up:

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Not necessarily wisdom, but a great laugh!  Brought to you by Girl Goes East.

  1. the guy that keeps his hands down his pants to “keep his fingers warm.”
  2. the guy that calls all his friends “bro”
  3. the guy that calls YOU “bro”
  4. the guy that used to say his favorite class of the day was “gym” or “lunch”
  5. the guy who refuses to go to the gym without his friends
  6. the guy who refuses to go to the gym with anyone
  7. the guy that wear his lax pinney with lax shorts even though he doesn’t play anymore. see type of guy #14.
  8. the guy who claims he can teach you to play the guitar
  9. the guy who puts the “number 1″ finger up in pictures
  10. the guy who still gives the shocker at any plausible opportunity, including during class presentations and informal religious services (true story).
  11. the guy who thinks he’s racking up cool points by being the “creeper” in all pictures of groups of girls, strangers or otherwise
  12. the guy who drives the car with the loud engine/bass and revs it/turns it up while passing young adolescents
  13. the guy who has ever named a playlist ”boner jams ‘07″
  14. the guy who graduated from college 8 years ago but can still be found at his hometown bar talking about the glory days of high school football season
  15. the guy who blames his sister when “party in the USA” comes up on shuffle, even when he’s an only child
  16. the guy who wears REEF sandles
  17. the guy who wears REEF sandles with the built-in bottle opener
  18. the guy who substitutes lines from Superbad, Wedding Crashers, 40 Year Old Virgin, The Hangover and Knocked Up for his own thought and conversational abilities
  19. the guy who always needs a beer so that there can be pictures of him with a beer
  20. the guy who wears skin tight wife beaters to the gym while pumping iron
  21. the guy who keeps his whey protein on top of the fridge, label sticking out for all to see
  22. the guy who sits alone outside his frat house in a beach chair on the first nice day of the year with a cooler of natty ice and aviators on
  23. the “is he gay? he’s not gay. is he gay? he’s gay? is he not gay?” guy
  24. the guy who wears guyliner and skinny jeans but isn’t gay
  25. the guy who spends most of his time making fun of gay people and then, SURPRISE! comes out a year later (note: we love gays, but come on, we all know guys 23, 24 and 25)
  26. the guy who owns more sneakers than you do heels
  27. the guy who takes longer to get ready than you
  28. the guy who has sneakers that always stay eerily white
  29. the guy who thinks talking about his fantasy baseball team’s stats is acceptable first date conversation
  30. the guy who sleeps with you and never calls
  31. the guy who sleeps with you and never calls but only texts
  32. the guy who always calls and always texts but you still haven’t slept with
  33. the guy who says you’re “like his sister” which basically means “i want to fuck your roommate”
  34. the guy who only calls after midnight
  35. the guy who disappears after midnight
  36. the guy who thinks being on an intramural lax team means something (see #29)
  37. the guy who kicks you out of his bed before his roommates/girlfriend gets home
  38. the guy who still uses AIM instead of gchat
  39. the guy who thinks megan fox is the reasonable bar in which they should hold their standards to
  40. the guy who brags about his job on facebook
  41. the guy who friends you WHILE you’re still in his bed
  42. the guy who defriends you while you’re still in his bed
  43. the guy who hasn’t friended you yet even though you’ve been in his bed numerous times
  44. the guy who buys records and considers himself obscure
  45. the guy who still listens to The Real Marshall Mathers
  46. the guy who is the sweaty assaulting mess on the dance floor, complete with glow stick necklaces and pit stains
  47. the guy who complains about never getting any but will gladly ignore you for WoW, Halo, any sports game, any championship anything, or to go to the gym. or to eat
  48. the guy who was the HS football star that every girl loved but is now 50 lbs overweight and still tries to hit on you
  49. the guy who ONLY wears sports paraphernalia and thinks it is appropriate attire for any occasion
  50. the guy who can’t resist “a good sexual innuendo” … ever
  51. the guy who wears pastel colored lacoste polo’s, madras shorts and boat shoes
  52. the guy who still thinks “i’m on a boat” is funny
  53. the guy who EVER thought “i’m on a boat” was funny
  54. the guy who always forgets his wallet
  55. the guy who acts like a princess and makes his gf wear the pants
  56. the guy who eats less than you so you have to pretend you aren’t hungry when you are actually starving
  57. the guy who cares so much about muscle mass, calorie intake, and nutrition that there’s absolutely no way you can get through a meal without feeling like the most obese woman to ever stalk this great planet
  58. the guy who uses his dog as female bait
  59. the guy who uses his guitar as female bait (“hey you girls like john mayer? how about oasis? you girls know wonderwall?”)
  60. the guy who uses justin beiber tickets as teenage bait
  61. the guy who “never wants to have kids”
  62. the guy who wants kids but still cringes when he hears the word “period”, or giggles when he hears it in English class
  63. the guy who asks you to send “sexy” pics to his phone (“yo send me a pic of ur boobs”)
  64. the guy who still has to call his mom for approval on EVERY day-to-day decision
  65. the guy who’s phone doesn’t stop ringing because his mom is constantly calling
  66. the guy who wants to be a sports journalist
  67. the guy who sweats the red sox, the patriots, the celtics, or the bruins (sorry new england, everyone loves their fave sports team but you’re in a league of your own)
  68. the guy who has been with so many girls he’s considered a walking STD — yet girls still continue to hook up with him
  69. the guy who has his ears pierced with diamond studs and acts thug
  70. the guy who can fit into your jeans and looks better in them than you do
  71. the guy who updates his facebook status every 2 minutes but refuses to use twitter because “it sucks”
  72. the guy who lies about EVERYTHING that doesn’t need to be lied about
  73. the guy who still talks about his ex, you know, the one who broke up with him in 2008
  74. the guy who HAS to make sure you know he has a girlfriend after he performs an act of kindness, like holding the door open for you
  75. the guy who HAS to make sure EVERYONE knows he has a gf
  76. the guy who’s dating the girl that has to make sure everyone knows he’s dating her
  77. the guy who says “no fat chicks” then high-fives his friends. see type of guy #39
  78. the guy who still says “that’s what she said”
  79. the guy who still says “that’s when she said” even though using “that’s what she said” doesn’t really work with the context
  80. the guy who complains about being broke but still manages to get to every fucking dave matthews concert within a 1200 mile radius of where he’s standing
  81. the guy who thinks writing “what are books” next to “favorite books” is hilarious
  82. the guy who thinks he is super fly and a music snob because he listens to crazy european house beats and techno mixes no one has heard of
  83. the guy who thinks starting everyday off with coffee “black” and the wall street journal makes him an elitist
  84. the guy who still openly fantasizes about threesomes with twins
  85. the guy who listens to his music too loud on his ipod that you can hear every lyric even when you are standing 10 feet away
  86. the guy who tattoos obscure motivational quotes on his pecs in latin (manly and intellectual!)
  87. the guy who wears black rimmed glasses to give him an artsy edge event though he has 20/20 vision
  88. the guy who tries to get you to “make a sex tape” with him using photobooth or imovie
  89. the guy who has watched so many sex tapes that any sex he has is ultimately unsatisfying because what up, boys, porn isn’t REAL
  90. the guy who is more likely to sing the praises of “team coco” than compliment you on…anything you’ve ever done…ever
  91. the guy who owns more than one “college” shirt a la Animal House
  92. the guy who truly believes the “different types of shits” poster counts as interior decor
  93. the guy who truly believes taping the cardboard boxes of empty 30 racks to the wall counts as interior decor
  94. the guy who insists on placing said boxes on his head and posing for a pic before taping them to the wall
  95. the guy who not only “bleeds” (insert college sport teams colors here) but paints their face/bodies at every game…even when they’re just watching the game from their dorm/apartment/NOT AT THE STADIUM
  96. the guy who claims he “fucked the shit” out of everything you can’t actually have sex with (“yo i just fucked the shit out of my comm final.”)
  97. the guy who “finishes” the NY times crossword puzzle, in pen
  98. the guy who fits the description of one or more of these list items but literally has no idea
  99. the guy who will read this list and publicly disagree with every single thing on it … yet will go home and secretly spend the night trying to change all of the descriptions he matches

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To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people

and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics

and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by

a healthy child, a garden patch

or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed

easier because you have lived;

This is to have succeeded.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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2 responses to “Wisdom

  1. Shelley Greenberg

    Loved this!
    XXX
    S

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