Mistaken Identity

There are times in one’s life when you just can’t help but laugh at an unfortunate situation.

Exhibit A:  I funny thing happened at the Gynecologist.

I’m waiting in the 2nd waiting room (made it past the first round of waiting yessss) and a pregnant Asian lady smiles as she walks past me and around the corner.  She was a tall Asian.  And a friendly one.  I closed my eyes and wished to be that tall when I’m pregnant.  So I’m sitting there just twiddling my thumbs in anticipation of ripping my tights off as fast as possible for the exam and the tall pregnant Asian lady comes back and stops in front of me.  She looks confused as she opens her mouth.

“Did I see you at the child birthing class at NYU last night?”

Let it marinate.


Someone at the Gynecologist’s office asked me if I was pregnant.  I smiled and shook my head, but I wanted to gently grab her clammy pregnant hand, yank her toward me (without harming the baby) and ask her WHY WOULD YOU SAY THIS???”  I’m just sitting there with my round bucket purse on my lap, minding my own business, and you come and ask me if I’m with child?   Don’t I look too young?  Don’t I look too not pregnant? Did she mistake my black leather purse for a stomach mound filled with offspring? Then I begin to laugh to myself because it seems more appropriate than sobbing into a parenting magazine.  Why is there no one else in the waiting room to witness this slash say OMG THAT LADY IS CRAZY YOU COULD NEVER BE PREGNANT YOU ARE TOO SKINNY?!?    I start to rethink my outfit choice…bandage skirt?  Poor choice. I think I swallowed some extra air today so I must look huuuuge.  Some of my shirts could be confused for maternity-wear but it’s only because I like the possibility of shoplifting A BABY IN MY STOMACH and Target doesn’t clearly mark where the fat people with babies in them section and regular people section start and stop.  It’s not my fault.

It was almost 2:00pm and I hadn’t even eaten lunch yet when this occurred.  I was near starvation.  My stomach was literally as flat as it will ever get, except after I’ve had food poisoning.







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