Today was one of those all time great days. Let me tell you why. Because I did everything I wanted to do. Which was nothing. I slept until 11:30something when I woke up and just laid in bed and thought about random shit. Starring at the ceiling. Listening to the cat that lives upstairs scurry all over the wooden floors that have no carpet. Eventually I got out of bed and brushed my teeth. The majority of my day was spent in my pajamas, underwear-less and bra-less, exerting the most energy when I switched my hair from a ponytail to a bun. It was exhausting I tell you. I then dragged my almost lifeless body to my couch to watch hours upon hours of recorded shows I had missed for the last month or so of my life. Where have I been? I sat there so long, I swear my flesh was beginning to stick to the couch like those obese people that live in their lazy boy recliners and have to be air lifted to the hospital. To avoid that, I ate snap peas and green beans while watching. Also, I didn’t have any other food that didn’t need to be cooked or handled in any way. Don’t worry, I’m not pulling a Portia de Rossi circa Ally McBeal. How does anyone not notice a person who takes 20 laxatives a day and eats mustard as a meal. Although, I could really use to read her book “Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain,” before my trip to Israel this month. What if I’m the only girl that doesn’t float in The Dead Sea? I love her play on words with the title, as well as her dieting tips such as “Don’t use toothpaste. It’s a waste of calories.” I poke fun at this all, but she was seriously ill and I am thrilled that she is better now and that Ellen, my most favoritest lezzie, helped pull her out. Don’t worry about my following in Portia’s footsteps. It takes serious willpower, something which I just don’t have, to stay on a diet of 300 calories a day. Tonight I slammed back a Steak Fajita and Guac for dinner while watching Going the Distance with Drew Barrymore and Justin Long. I don’t think anyone should be worried about me and anorexia. Anoralexia. I’m just trying to think of what the tabloids would call me if I did have it. And they gave a shit about me. The movie however was definitely cute, but I think the real star of it was the character Dan played by Charlie Day from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. He was hysterical, from him dj-ing his roommate’s hook-up through their paper-thin walls to his taking a dump with the door open, he really won my heart.
One day my prince will come.
Doesn’t this look great? It’s the holiday season, the weather is frightful and Uggs are everywhere – it’s the most perfect time of the year for hot chocolate. I wouldn’t normally step foot into a place called Pop Bar since they serves pops. Why you ask? I generally don’t like eating foods that look like phallic symbols. Neither does Portia de Rossi. Lesbian anorexia joke. You know the foods: Hot dogs, ice cream cones, popsicles, bananas…the list goes on. There’s a time and a place to be looking like you’re, well, eating a penis, and it’s not while eating ice cream surrounded by children in a playground. Am I wrong here?
You know I’m right. Yeah.