Bloody Bloody History Lesson

This evening I was fortunate enough to receive free tickets from a client to see”Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson” on Broadway.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I barely know who Andrew Jackson is.  I know he was a President, but that’s about it.  For some reason I have this kind of mental block on history.  In school it was always my least favorite subject and I dreaded going to class.  Maybe it was because one of my history teachers once called me stupid in front of my whole class, but I guess being incredibly shy means you’re stupid.  Since then I have always hated history and was never a big talker in class.  Note passer, yes, but hand raiser, never.

When I looked up what “Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson” was about, I saw there were some politics involved which made me hesitant, but with a tagline like “History just got all sexypants,” how could I not go see for myself?

We walk into the theater and all I could say was “whoa.”  Imagine me, speechless.

What can I say, I like to be early.

My shitty picture does not do it justice.  I tried to take another, but the usher saw my flash go off and I was busted on the spot. Sorry Lady.  The theater was decked in red lights and crazy dead animals.  A stuffed dead horse hung upside down from the ceiling.  You can see it there to the right of the square in the picture.  It had it’s own green spotlight.  The theater even had one of those Buck Hunter bar games in the corner.  Not sure when anyone plays it since there was no intermission, but it fit the part with the dead animals and guns and all.

The show was actually fantastic.  I would know because I too am a Broadway star – in the shower.  I know every word to “Rent.”  Don’t test me.  I don’t want to spoil BBAJ for anyone so I won’t give away too many details, but imagine the best history lesson ever taught, complete with flaming gays and racist jokes and people bathing in blood.  Add girls making out with each other, crazy people with ferrets and an angel in an electric wheelchair and you get “Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson.”  If this is how lessons were taught in school, I never would have faked sick.  It was entertaining and funny and clever!  So clever!  The pop culture references were spot on and perfectly timed.  I couldn’t stop cracking up and the sexypants were SO tight.  Like I’m not sure how the lead guy can get out of them without cutting them off his legs.  You’ve gotta see it to believe it.

After learning more history in one Broadway musical than in all my years of schooling, I was on riding a high and there was only one thing that could satisfy me.


Having never ventured away from the Madison Square Park Shake Shack, I didn’t quite know what to expect, but I definitely didn’t expect such quick service.  We were in and out in under an hour .  You place your order and they give you those fancy buzzers that vibrate when your food’s ready so I put it in my underwear and waited my turn.

Just kidding!

Oh sweet delectable Shake Shack, how I love thee and your delicious Shack Burger, fries and Concretes.  We tried to be good by splitting everything, but the concrete really did us in.  Especially the JELLY DONUT CONCRETE.  That’s right!  It is a Concrete with Vanilla custard and JELLY DONUTS!!!!!  Donut pieces all up in there.

For those who think this looks like vomit, go kill yourself. This vomit tasted great.

I will cherish this night, for I learned about Andrew Jackson, 7th President of the United States (look at me go, hey yoooo) and I also discovered the Jelly Donut Concrete.  With liberty and concretes for all.


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4 responses to “Bloody Bloody History Lesson

  1. Dad

    Shake Shack???? no fried chicken? Glad you enjoyed it.

  2. Elaine

    Oh … how you wax poetic, my love. Food always has that affect on you. Wait…. wasn’t this supposed to be your good night??


  3. oh how you tease with the mention of shake shack.

  4. Jess

    Hi! I am school friends with Melanie Kraus and when she started her blog, she also told me about yours so I “checked you out” haha. I just wanted to give you a shout out and let you know you keep me entertained at work and I love your blog! So, just so you know, you have a fan in Chicago!!!

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