I realized the other day that I’m always looking to find a point to my blog, but I think I’ve finally found it. You know how some blogs are strictly cooking blogs or fashion blogs or very specific to a certain area? Well mine is nothing like that. And that’s its point. It’s a blog about nothing, yet everything. Why define a blog when it really only limits the things I can talk about? Who says my life isn’t interesting? Hell, Hillary Duff has a book and if she has a book then I can have a blog. If this were a cooking blog, I couldn’t tell you about this crazy homeless man that lurks in Grand Central and wears an “I’m with Stupid” shirt and how this makes me smile, not because I am a bad person, but because humor can be found in the oddest of situations . If this were a fashion blog I couldn’t tell you about how much Halloween candy I bought the other day, yet I have never once gotten a trick-or-treater in the two years I have lived in my apartment. Why break tradition when tradition tastes like Kit Kats? So that’s it. I’m done searching for a purpose for this blog, when one doesn’t need to exist. You can bookmark this blog or you can click unsubscribe on your Google Reader. Either way, this blog is for you and for me.
But wait. There’s more.
Over the weekend I saw that new Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel movie called “Life As We Know It” and I have a little something to say.
Why is Josh Lucas my kryptonite?
He is the most misleadingly Jewish looking southern gentleman and it kills me inside. Like I don’t even care about Josh Duhamel. I mean, he looks great in his underwear and high top Nikes, but that’s where it ends for me. Dating him would be the equivalent of wearing the most outrageous engagement ring, knowing that where ever you go, everyone is starring at it, men, women, trannies, because it is just that shockingly large that it can’t possibly be real. He and Fergie can boom boom pow all they want. Look at me caring. But seriously, every time Josh Lucas enters a movie, I say a little silent thank you to God for allowing my eyes to see true beauty. I mean who can forget his charm, and shirtlessness in “Sweet Home Alabama?”
The plot of the “Life As We Know It” is your basic fairytale love story: Boy meets girl, they hate each other, are named god parents to their friends child, who is left orphaned after the couple dies in a car crash, so they must raise the child as their own and still hate each other until one day they get drunk and bone, everything gets complicated, they “break up” even though they were never together and then they realize they really do love each other and one chases the other to the airport, wah wah wah tissues everywhere, and they live happily ever after. Sorry if I ruined the movie for you, but I’d recommend seeing it just to see Katherine Heigl with fake baby shit on her face. Apparently she’s such a diva in real life. I read that someplace reliable like in Us Weekly. I’m sure it was really Godiva Chocolate, only the best for that bitch, but I wish it were real poop. Take that poop face.
I think the worst part about watching that movie was the ending where you’re like whatttt? This shit never happens in real life. Things never work out like this. If this were real life, Josh Duhamel and Katherine Heigl’s characters might get together, but the baby would be deaf in one ear and Josh Duhamel’s character would have Chlamydia. Surprise! Now that’s real! Let’s take Prince Charming for example.
He looks great on paper because hey, he’s a prince, but think about it. He’s unemployed, he uses Rogaine and he probably has a small…castle.
So the movie ends and I leave the theater feeling like every other single girl who filled the theater. Full from eating popcorn, and our misery.
And then I turn my phone back to ring and check my emails to which I am greeted by none other than an email from JDate. “Check out your new JDate match – ChallahaturBoi28!”
My fairy tale awaits!