While sitting here in my pajamas, drinking chamomille tea with honey in it, I find myself outraged.
One, that after all the sickness that ensued last week, I am now the proud owner of some Streptococcus bacteria aka STREP THROAT. Apparently the antibiotic I was on as of yesterday only helps from the waist down, like for example, my bladder and my kidneys, but while it was fixing my lower half, it did nothing for my upper half as it made nice nice with some strep germs. So here I sit. Finally staying home from work since this bitch is contagious!
Do you know how bad daytime television is?!?!?
Did you know there is a show on TLC called I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant? What’s scarier is there are enough women out there that this happens to that they made a SERIES!
How could you not know?!? You were feeling shitty all the time, you gained 30 pounds and changed none of your habits, and you craved chocolate covered pickles. How could you not know?!? During one of the episodes I watched (how could I not watch more of this gem?) this woman was at this amusement park and thought she had bad stomach cramps so she went to the public restroom to presumably take a dump because what else would she do in there, and instead popped out A BABY! Not in the toilet, but rather on the floor! I don’t know which one is worse! Call a doctor and get the Purell! If my fear of public restrooms were not already weird, I can just imagine being in the stall next to a woman and next thing I know, a baby slides on over into my stall and is like “Do you have any toilet paper? We’re down to the roll over here.” Maybe my worst nightmare.
In other news, the fat kid in me ordered a lot of Chinese food to last my possible two days of quarantine (Chinese is my sick food when Mom’s not around) but apparently one of the symptoms of Strep is no appetite. Even when I’m sick, this never happens to me. Turns out my stomach beast can be tamed.
Damn you, Strep, damn you.