I stopped by the liquor store this evening hoping to get some cheap decent tasting cheap white wine for when some friends come over tomorrow. I’m perusing the aisles of all the different wines but I have no clue what to get…Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Grigio, Grapalicious, I have no idea. They all look the same to me, but I know some taste like heaven in a bottle and others taste like tart ass, so to avoid me buying the latter, I look around for a guy that works there.
Out pops the most pleasant salesperson who looked like a combination of
and this guy
AKA the cutest little nerdy asian guy I have ever seen! I could have just scooped him up, put him in my pocket and taken him home to do my math homework!
The fact that his glasses were actually taped together on the left side was not even the best part of our encounter. It was his sales tactic that really won me over. He greeted me with this winner: “How can I help you get drunk?” I mean c’mon, that is genius! I already knew you were smart because you’re asian, but you are just blowing my mind right now! I was like “Yes! I need your help to get drunk! Point me to your least gross but still cheap wines!”
And he did. He even went so far as to tell me that this one wine in particular was nice and mellow, but still knocks you on your ass. Those exact words! You don’t learn these sales tools in school! You learn these from the streets. Of Chinatown.
So I bought two bottles of that wine. The bottles are each 1.5 L. And a bottle of vodka. And a bottle of Prosecco. I’m an easy sell, what can I say! Booze for everyone!