For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a veterinarian. Maybe I couldn’t spell it, but I knew my love for animals would could be a great career. That is, until I took college chemistry while on the pre-med track and it made me want to kill myself. I am one of those people who learns best with repetition. Chemistry was nothing like that. They pretty much expected us to know the information before they taught it because there would be a quiz before the lecture. Like what the hell? You have to teach it to me buddy! Not fail me on a quiz and then I have to get 2 tutors a week to help me figure out what the hell was going on! I’m not bitter though. I just threw my hands up one day and gave up on my dream. Instead, I switched to a double major in Motion Pictures and English Literature, so I will never get a well paying job or own a nice car with built in GPS (which we all know I desperately need). I will never be able to build my kids a playhouse identical to our real house with a working stone fireplace and window shutters. I will never be able to afford Invisiline. Let’s all take a moment to mourn.
— moment —
In college I had the opportunity to have my family’s dog, Annie, at my house off campus. She was a yellow lab. Annie was the best dog there ever was, besides William, our other dog, a black lab. We had a cat too named Jack, but he hated everyone except me. It made me feel special. We had Annie at our college house, on and off for 2 years. It was the best. She became our sorority mascot, coming to all our intramural games and playing drinking games with us before and after every social event. I’m not an active sister anymore so I can finally admit to breaking the rules. 🙂 One summer when Annie wasn’t with me and I stayed in Miami to take summer classes, I was really lonely and wanted a pet to keep me company. My friend Paige and I decided to cut Irish Literature one day and go to Petco and buy fish. We both bought these fancypants fish tanks in cool colors with a filter and fun rocks and little plants and stuff. I bought 4 fish and made it their home. Adam and Eve, two little matching fish (no clue if they were boys or girls), Matisyahu, a psychedelic rainbow orthodox Jew weed smoking reggae singing fish, and Rico Suave, a mini catfish with whiskers that looked like a mustache. Adam and Even died early on, possibly because they ate from The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil or maybe because I didn’t clean the tank well. Matisyahu lived a little while longer, but eventually died too. Maybe the rockstar life was too much for him? Rico Suave lasted the longest. Way past the moment when I decided that having a fish wasn’t all that fun. He was kinda like the Mexican Mariachi bands that come up to you while you’re sitting at a restaurant with chips in your mouth and they NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE. They just keep playing and playing, all up in your face with their little guitars, until you throw some guacamole in their face and they retreat. Rico Suave would swim around the tank all spastic and slam his face into the tank. He just wasn’t a soothing pet. He was so distracting I had to take an Aderall to just think in my room. When he died, I didn’t clean out the tank for months, so when I eventually did, it was so gross I just threw the whole thing away.
A DailyCandy email from today showed this cool fish tank that sparked this post:
It’s a fish condo! You can even stack them so it looks like a real 2-level condo complex! Now all you need is a yard with landscaping that gets maintained for you by the association!
It almost makes me want another fish.