I’m sure everyone reading this has received a million of those emails telling you what to do to avoid getting abducted in a supermarket parking lot or how to get your phone number off of those telemarketer’s lists. I know I have, and the sender of these emails is always the same person. My mother. She has the greatest of hearts, but I really think that as soon as she receives an email that contains advice, she immediately must send it to me. Usually I’ll just scan through them, looking for the point, but this morning as I checked my email, I actually found one that I read all the way through. It was a list of random information that could actually prove useful in my life, so to spare you the entire list, let me pick out my favorite ones.
Banana Advice: Peel your banana from the bottom and you wont get left with those little stringy things! Apparently, this is how the primates did it, so how did progress to “the wrong way?” Monkeys are smart! Also, if you separate your bananas from the stem bundle, they will take longer to ripen! Who knew?!?
Cheese Advice: When storing chunks of cheese, use aluminum foil so it will last longer and not mold. THIS IS HUGE. There’s nothing I hate more than bad food and mold. Well except the sounds of people eating, but other than that, nothing! It’s almost a mold fear. Seriously. This is going to change my life.
Garlic Advice: Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light garlic taste. Add garlic at the end of a recipe if you want a strong garlic taste, and you want to kill your date.
Frosting Advice: You can make double the amount of frosting without spending any money by whipping up 1 can of store bought frosting with your electric mixer. Now you can frost even more cupcakes (!) and eat less sugar and calories per serving. (Or you could eat more cupcakes and not feel as bad…I’m just throwing that our there.)
Mosquito Advice: Place a dryer sheet in your pocket and the mosquitoes will not come near you AND you’ll smell like fresh rain.
Static Cling Advice: By putting a safety pin on the seam of your clingy clothes, you will eliminate the static cling!
Foggy Windshield Advice: Use a chalkboard eraser to get rid of the fog! That’s exactly what I have lying around in my car! Also, a kindergarten class.
Hairy Leg Advice: Instead of using shaving cream, use conditioner. It makes your legs a lot softer and it’s cheaper than shaving cream! A win-win! This is a big deal to me, as you all may remember what happened to my shaving cream (RIP) and I am also the self-titled Queen of Hair Products so conditioner is never a problem.
That’s all I’m going to share for now, in fear that you have already gotten bored and stopped reading. I’ve learned a lot today. Haven’t you?